Remember how as children, we’d sometimes compete to see who could hold their breath the longest?

It would all start with a really big deep breath, which was then followed by shutting your mouth as tight as possible and to avoid cheating, someone would pinch your nose.

Everything would be fine at first, you felt confident you could last as long as possible (well longer than your opponent anyway), but then slowly your chest starts tightening as your body screams for oxygen, yet there you are trying to fight the urge to give in. Four seconds later, there you are on the floor gasping for air!

How good did that taste of fresh air feel going down to your lungs? Amazing right?


I’ve recently been finding life to be an imitation of exactly that. Holding in the air is me acting as though everything is okay when it really isn’t. I’ve been pushing the truth to the back of my mind while other times I opt to ignore it and move on as swiftly as possible. I’ve managed to last quite a while (I’m talking a few years) through this. Fortunately,my four seconds have come to an end and now, I’m falling to the floor. I’m gasping for air; the tightening of my chest is immense.. I keep breaking down


Its a hard pill to swallow but its so easy to be broken to the point you lose yourself. If you’re like me you’ll give of yourself until you have no more of you to give you. You’ll find yourself giving to everyone you consider close to you; friends and family alike. It can get so bad that the guilt of distancing yourself from everyone for a while to focus on you prevents you from healing. In fact you end up so preoccupied fixing others that you don’t take time to realise that you’re also broken. The signs, they’re there but you choose to ignore them until you can’t ignore them any longer.


2018, so far has definitely been a suffocating year for me. From experiencing betrayal in a way led me towards a depressing period of my life, to losing my favourite uncle and being unable to attend his funeral, to other more personal issues that have worked hard to drain me of all my energy. I’ve been desperate for the slightest  gulp of fresh air for the longest time without actually realising it. I guess having a 4 month break from school is actually a good thing; my main distraction was taken away and I was forced to see my life as it is.


Fact is, this life we live in is filled with ups and downs. However, we sometimes have no idea of the extent to which those different moments can damage us. I’ve come to appreciate that only way to actually be present and aware of this is through self reflection; giving yourself time away from noise and distractions to be truly open and honest with yourself. This is the time to discover what went wrong and at what time, discover your reactions to that, appreciate the damage you may have caused to yourself and to others alike, try make amends where you can and then begin the process of rebuilding yourself keeping in mind that it won’t happen in a day.

Finally, through everything you go through in this life, don’t forget to BREATHE and reach out for help when you feel as though you’re struggling.

Feel free to reach out to me as well if you think you don’t have anyone to talk to 🙂 


‘The world breaks everyone but after, many are strong in the broken places’






3 thoughts on “BREATHE.

  1. Newton says:

    Changing your mind set. Think better live better. That was such a great piece . Well done and thank you for encouragment. Life is a journey hope we can walk together.


  2. Rosemary Wanjiku Mwangi says:

    Ivy, you write so well. Yes indeed. We all require some time alone. Fixing the time to reflect, unfortunately, is not a requisite for us.


  3. Celestine kanjama says:

    Wow! Will keep you in mind and prayer,a great share that has led me to personal sorry about your uncle,remember the immense love of God


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