Chapter 1: Taking Stock


‘This is the most anticipated annual match. Having won 21 years, life was fed up and humiliated. He came ready to take me down with all he had. I was quick to claim victory in 2018, because just before the final whistle, life gave it one last try. Coming to me with all he had, he knocked me over. The first round of 2019, began with me on the floor; shocked and confused though it wasn’t long before I managed to get back on my feet. For a while, it felt as though I may have found my balance, but it was all an illusion; as if the previous blow had given me a mild concussion. Everything was going on as it should but nothing seemed to make sense. My instability was all life needed, he came at me filled with rage and threw out the uppercut that saw me knocked out for a good number of months after.’

This journey we’re on is like a boxing match; we have to fight to keep going. We have to give it our all to see the next round which will always be, to some extent, harder than the last. But with every round we complete, we learn a new move and that alone makes us better.

To say this year broke me would be an understatement; this year nearly killed me. Looking back, it would be so easy for me to say that I see is darkness. Big dark clouds, thunder and heavy rain. Its so easy for me to say I am completely fed up of this year because nothing good came out of it; that I am waiting for 2020 to start my clean slate. It would be so easy for me to do that, but I won’t.

Looking back, this year has had some pretty good moments. I challenged myself by taking part in Face of Kenya, despite my stage fright, and managed to bag second place while meeting amazing people along the way. I made new friends because I chose to attend house parties more and by myself (which forced me to interact). Most importantly, I reconnected with my inner self through brutal honesty about my personal flaws and shortcomings.There’s definitely more good things that happened but I don’t want to bore you. Long story short, I learnt that every bad or perceived bad situation has a silver lining if we just look close enough. For me these moments were blessings in disguise.

So, instead of hating myself for all the sleepless nights, all the failed projects, for falling out of love with everything, I am thankful for all those moments because they led me to where I am today; a stronger version of who I was when this year began.

I am no longer waiting for new years or Christmas, for birthdays or anniversaries, I no longer long for special moments to celebrate myself and enjoy this life. With all these lessons I am taking each day as it comes and looking out for the good moments because there will always be some.

If you’ve read this, find time to reflect on the past year and be brutally honest. Identify  your best moments and celebrate yourself, also identify where you could have done better and try be better starting now. Promise yourself you’ll stop waiting for tomorrow or for good days to enjoy life because what if… tomorrow never comes?




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