If I was to ask you at this moment, ‘How honest would you say you are?’ How long would it take you to assess your honesty with yourself?
One important lesson I learned last year is the power honesty with self. Naturally, we try to ensure we are honest in all our daily interactions and activities be it; with partners, at school or at work. What we fail to acknowledge is the foundation of all this is honesty with self.
Unfortunately, I had to learn this lesson the hard way. I always assumed that I was honest with myself, I didn’t really think much about it though until late October. I was at a point in my life where everything felt like it was falling apart, and to some degree it was. Nothing seemed to make sense and no matter what I tried to do, I was unable to figure anything out. I was stuck, and so I decided to disappear. It wasn’t 3 days in, when someone I recently became friends with looked for me, and it was in the middle of conversation that they mentioned (without realising it) truths about me that I had been denying for some time. Seeing those truths written out plainly, not only hurt severely, but also made me feel exposed and vulnerable. I didn’t realise it at the time, but that would be the start of my healing process.
I chose to stay ‘hidden’ for a while to reflect on the conversation as well as figure out the way forward. It wasn’t easy to acknowledge those truths, but what I found even harder was searching deeper within myself, for the rest. It was a strange process that involved lots of tears, denial and finally acceptance.
For me, 2019 was a very intense year. So many things happened, to me and to those around me, that had a negative impact on both my physical as well as mental health. This I was only able to realise when I started intentionally being honest with myself. I can genuinely say that I have began to heal and reconnect with parts of me that I thought were long gone. It’s not easy though, because I still catch myself in a lie sometimes. The difference is that I now actively work on it instead of burying it.
Being honest with myself has allowed me: to let go of the hurt I felt last year, to stop or change habits that are not supporting the kind of life I want to live (or at least has helped in identifying them), to let go of relationships that aren’t reciprocal or beneficial to me. Most importantly, being honest has allowed me to fall in love with myself a little deeper than I did before.
‘I can tell myself the truth about myself and still love me’ – Dr Thema on the Homecoming Podcast