LIFE

TIME.

Well would you look at that, its November, two months left to the end of this year… Time really is flying isn’t it?

While having dinner at a friend’s house recently, one of the conversations that came up was one we may all be familiar with… of a friend who happened to leave the country for studies and unfortunately ended up getting involved with drugs, and had to drop out. Fortunately the person upon returning was able to get back on his feet and turn his life around.

However, what inspired this post was a comment my friend happened to make…

“Yeah well he wasted 5 years of his life”

But did he really? 

Obviously in comparison to his friends, he would be considered to be ‘behind in life’. I personally however do not believe there’s anything like having ‘wasted’ time in your life. Let me explain why:

Where you are in this given moment, is exactly where you’re supposed to be in order to make a difference in this world’ – Me

I started saying this phrase when some of my mum’s friends would question why I was going into university after their children, yet we started school together. The comparison used to really weigh in on me, and I began feeling slightly embarrassed.

‘Have I let down my parents?’

‘Will I never be able to make something out of myself because I’m behind?’

‘Oh no, now they’ll get ahead with life and I’ll be left behind’

These are just some of the questions that would instantly flow through my mind at the time, and honestly they are quite depressing.

However, two years later, I am appreciative of where I am and how much I have matured. I would definitely not be the same person had I rushed into university. All the people I’ve met and activities I have participated have shaped me into who I am today. In fact, this blog is as a result of me going to University when I did, I’d never have gathered the courage to share my thoughts with you if otherwise.

Same goes for the guy in the story, for him to get to where he is today, he had to go through what he did for those 5 years which people claim he wasted. They weren’t a waste as they taught him valuable lessons that hopefully could be a driving factor to his influence on the world. Those 5 years steered him in the direction he is destined to be going. He had to lose himself  first to find his calling.

The fact that we each have different paths and callings is the reason I do not believe in the phrase ‘You’re losing time’. The main reason we are so used to this is because we enjoy comparing our life to that of the person next to us; very illogical seeing as we are different in almost every aspect. Different purposes, different goals.

Next time you think that you’re losing time by postponing a major event in your life such as making the decision to go into University, Start a business or even get married, stop and ask yourself:

  1. Who am I comparing myself to?
  2. Why do I feel pressured to do this?
  3. Am I ready to do this?

I believe that asking yourself this will help you realise that this life you’re  living is your own, and no one should rush or pressure you to doing things that you do not feel prepared to do. There is a reason for everything including the fact that you don’t feel  ready. Possibly that’s not the path you should be following or it isn’t the right time for you.

Hesitation is also an answer

Recently, Ariana Grande released a song that as lyrics I believe resonate with what I’m trying to say.

The song is called ‘thank u, next

‘I got so much love, got so much patience…

I’ve learnt from my pain, I’ve turned out amazing’

Have a listen to it 🙂

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I really like this picture; The fact I could look so calm and collected when I was really a wreck on the inside is amazing.

 

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LIFE

TOXIC FRIENDSHIPS

‘ The prerequisite for spending time with people is that they will feed your flame’ – Will Smith.

Sometimes I sit and reflect on these words, wishing that I had heard them early last year;  I probably would have avoided the pain and a near-depressing episode. But when I really think about it, everything happens for a reason, you either gain something or you lose. Either way though, valuable lessons are learnt.

In this digital age, we are definitely blessed to have social media platforms which we use to share information as well as show our love and appreciation for those we consider dear to us. We celebrate them on a daily basis for being there with us.. in good times and in bad..in sickness and in health. But as with everything else, we tend to only talk about the good times; avoiding even within ourselves discussing the impact of a toxic friendship.

Its taken me months to begin scrambling out of the dark pit I found myself in after a betrayal I was not in any way prepared for. Now I’ll be honest, I saw ALL the red flags, {and they were plenty}, but as always I choose to see the good in someone and give them fresh slates all while promising myself that it would be the final one. It became a cycle, 1 and a half years, but one that had to be broken eventually.

Some of you may be rolling your eyes saying ‘You could have just stopped being friends.  You should have walked away.’ If only it was that easy. Its not in anyone’s conscience to just up and leave someone who told you they suffer from a mental disorder and has in fact self-harmed in front of you. How do you gather up the strength to ignore your conscience and leave? How do you shut off from their cries for help? How do you walk away, with the thoughts of something going wrong at the forefront of your thoughts? Reality is, you can’t do it, in as much as you may want to.. not at first anyway. You first have to fall so far down the pit of goodwill before realising that the end only comes when you have given everything of yourself and there’s nothing left.

There are some signs to look out for that I’ve picked up along the way, both from this incident and another. Hopefully they may help someone else.

THE SIGNS:

  1. Non-Supportive

Toxic friends will not support anything about you, or if they do it will be half heartedly; as though they’ve been forced

2.   Competitive

Anything you have or want, they’ll for some strange reason get it as well or tend to try get it before you

3. Will always try bring you down

Thing about this one is that it happens so subtly; can easily be brushed off as banter. The worst part is if they touch on your insecurities. This is the absolute red flag for me, any genuine friend should never; not even in a joking way bring up any of the insecurities you felt comfortable discussing with them.

4. Will only be your friend when its convenient for them

They have a problem or are bored? They’ll hit you up even when they know its forcing you to go out of your way.. because you’re the good friend. You have a problem? Yeah deal with it yourself; or even worse try convince you that you’re overreacting and whatever is bothering you is really minor even when its not.

The truth is though, everyone is really just looking out for themselves and they can’t be blamed for that. There are good people out there; sometimes you just have to experience the negative ones so that you can truly appreciate the good ones that come along or have been there the entire time.

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So unrelated, but enjoy this picture of me in my dad’s coat during simpler times.

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LIFE

Remember how as children, we’d sometimes compete to see who could hold their breath the longest?

It would all start with a really big deep breath, which was then followed by shutting your mouth as tight as possible and to avoid cheating, someone would pinch your nose.

Everything would be fine at first, you felt confident you could last as long as possible (well longer than your opponent anyway), but then slowly your chest starts tightening as your body screams for oxygen, yet there you are trying to fight the urge to give in. Four seconds later, there you are on the floor gasping for air!

How good did that taste of fresh air feel going down to your lungs? Amazing right?

  • BREATHE

I’ve recently been finding life to be an imitation of exactly that. Holding in the air is me acting as though everything is okay when it really isn’t. I’ve been pushing the truth to the back of my mind while other times I opt to ignore it and move on as swiftly as possible. I’ve managed to last quite a while (I’m talking a few years) through this. Fortunately,my four seconds have come to an end and now, I’m falling to the floor. I’m gasping for air; the tightening of my chest is immense.. I keep breaking down

  • BREATHE

Its a hard pill to swallow but its so easy to be broken to the point you lose yourself. If you’re like me you’ll give of yourself until you have no more of you to give you. You’ll find yourself giving to everyone you consider close to you; friends and family alike. It can get so bad that the guilt of distancing yourself from everyone for a while to focus on you prevents you from healing. In fact you end up so preoccupied fixing others that you don’t take time to realise that you’re also broken. The signs, they’re there but you choose to ignore them until you can’t ignore them any longer.

  • BREATHE

2018, so far has definitely been a suffocating year for me. From experiencing betrayal in a way led me towards a depressing period of my life, to losing my favourite uncle and being unable to attend his funeral, to other more personal issues that have worked hard to drain me of all my energy. I’ve been desperate for the slightest  gulp of fresh air for the longest time without actually realising it. I guess having a 4 month break from school is actually a good thing; my main distraction was taken away and I was forced to see my life as it is.

  • BREATHE

Fact is, this life we live in is filled with ups and downs. However, we sometimes have no idea of the extent to which those different moments can damage us. I’ve come to appreciate that only way to actually be present and aware of this is through self reflection; giving yourself time away from noise and distractions to be truly open and honest with yourself. This is the time to discover what went wrong and at what time, discover your reactions to that, appreciate the damage you may have caused to yourself and to others alike, try make amends where you can and then begin the process of rebuilding yourself keeping in mind that it won’t happen in a day.

Finally, through everything you go through in this life, don’t forget to BREATHE and reach out for help when you feel as though you’re struggling.

Feel free to reach out to me as well if you think you don’t have anyone to talk to 🙂 

 

‘The world breaks everyone but after, many are strong in the broken places’

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BREATHE.

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ACTIVE LIFESTYLE

Taking 2018 head on!

Happy New Year !

I hope everyone started off the year on a good tone.

I for one, spent my New Year’s day running on two hours of sleep at a family gathering in shags. I barely thought I’d make it because; 1) we were the first to arrive, 2) it was extremely hot and 3) my favourite cousins decided they’ll make an appearance three hours late . I however managed to survive and much to my surprise, had to be forced to go home :).  It was actually fun.

A new year definitely comes with promises made to self about how we’re ready to change certain ‘negative’ aspects in our life, maybe to eat healthier, go to the gym, drink less alcohol, save money… and so much more.

Year in year out however, the trend appears to be that most people find themselves writing the same resolutions and making promises that this would be their year, the year that they change; but two weeks or two months down the line they’re back to their same old habits.

Reflecting on my past year resolutions, I managed to come up with a few reasons as to why I wasn’t able to achieve what I wanted to. (This may not be true for everyone though)

  1. You’re setting unrealistic goals

I’m not saying its impossible for one to achieve what they set out to do. Nothing is impossible if you control your mindset. This just means you’re giving yourself a great task to achieve without considering the possible and definite obstacles that you will face.

In marketing we’re told that when a company is setting their company goal, it needs to be SMART;

SPECIFIC

What exactly do you want to achieve?

MEASURABLE

Write it down everywhere. Make sure you remind yourself of it daily when you wake up  and when you go to sleep, reflect on your day and judge if the activities of your day were in line with your resolution of the year.

ATTAINABLE

Don’t make resolutions far beyond your reach. Think of yourself as an investment project, majority take time to give the returns you want, but you only invest in those you believe in right?

RELEVANT

Everyone is different, make resolutions that will benefit you and where you are in life

TIME BOUND

Who said a new years resolution is restricted to a time period of one year?  Did you know you can actually make one resolution that will last your entire life time? If you believe a resolution is a lifestyle change then this will make sense to you.

Some changes will definitely require more than a year to take full effect in your life so don’t limit yourself to just one year.. again remember the investment project reference?

 

2. You’re not holding yourself accountable. 

It is your responsibility to track your progress. Reward yourself when you manage to stay on track/ achieve something but be prepared for moments of failure. When this happens, pick yourself up and start again. Never be afraid to begin over. The most important thing is you start afresh with a new mindset using your failures as learning lessons.

 

3. You’re comparing yourself

As human beings this may be one of our biggest shortcomings. We tend to believe that we should be at the same level as our peers when this is not the case at all.

Just this year, you may find that your friends will move far ahead in their lives or that you yourself will be the one to move further on. That’s normal. The most important thing to remember is that we should help build one another.

I believe that the comparison is a cause of demotivation and eventually failure. Let me expound.. we allow ourselves to be in awe at how far ahead our friends are that we forget to focus on our own journey.

Think about life this way; we all have one destination but our paths to it are very different, yes they may cross at some point but they aren’t meant to go the same way. 

This means that in as much as the destination is the same, I can’t decide to use my friend’s path. There are obstacles along it that only they can overcome. I need to follow my own path and face my unique obstacles that will shape me into the person  I am destined to be.

 

4. You’re being too loud.

Truth is not everyone wants to see you succeed and not everyone will be happy for you when you actually do. This is means that some people will go out of their way to see you or even make you fail. Sometimes I believe we only have ourselves to blame for that.

Silence is golden. – Not everyone deserves/ needs to know what you plan on doing. Work in silence and let the results speak for themselves.

Its okay to share your dreams with a few people, maybe family or a close friend or a mentor. Just be sure that these people have your best interest at heart and you have almost similar life goals.

Take time to reflect on why you were unable to achieve the goals you set for yourself, build a new strategy and then work towards achieving the goals 🙂

Remember that;

‘SUCCESS= ENERGY + EFFORT’ – Eric Thomas

Wishing you all a prosperous New Year :). Stay safe and seize all opportunities presented to you.

 

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The world is yours for the taking 🙂

 

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LIFE

SIBLING RIVALRY.

About 12 years ago, if I was asked about my older brother I would have very few positive things to say. Trust me my parents especially my mother gave me endless talks on the importance of having an older brother and how if they were to die at that moment he’d be the one to take of my younger brother and I.

I being the stubborn girl I was,refused to listen to them until they eventually gave up. I would literally find the smallest excuse to fight with him and when I say fight I mean literally that, the blows that have been exchanged between us would definitely have earned us roles in WWE ( who else was shocked to find out it was all acting? ). Funnily enough that was one of the few shows we could have been found watching in peace. He probably disliked me because he enjoyed being an only child and getting attention all the time until that attention had to be divided, or maybe it’s because I was just annoying. 😀 (If you know him feel free to ask).

I guess things begun to change when he left Kenya to study, you know how they say absence makes the heart grow fonder? I kind of missed his presence in the house but pride would never allow me to admit that. It was actually so bad I never used to Skype him cause I was scared my true emotions would show.

3 years later I also left my parent’s house to join him and I guess its safe to say we’ve grown closer.

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No we don’t look alike -.-

What breaks my heart is seeing our parent’s generation allowing material things to get in the way of their relationships with their siblings. These are people they grew up with somehow getting along and now they would go as far as wishing death upon them.

How does a fight even get to the point of wishing death upon another?

They say charity begins at home, maybe that’s why there’s no love in the world; there’s no love between us and our brothers.

How would you let a stranger come between you and your brother? To the point that you’d get joy from seeing your own blood suffer. Remember the methali(proverb) we used to be forced to write inshas on? Damu ni nzito kuliko maji. English equivalent: Blood is thicker than water.

Remember the stories you’d write? Why not incorporate that in real life.

How do we let the hate we have towards them blind us from remembering how good they were to us in the past, and possibly prevent us from experiencing the good times we could have with them in the present.

Only when they die then we will know..

Our pride will be the end of us all.

Why is it then when we disagree with someone we let it develop into an argument which ends up as a fight. We are all entitled to our own opinions, but that doesn’t mean we are right.

Why then can’t I be the bigger person in that situation and try meet the other person halfway?

Why would I then allow the fight to go on for years on end ? I can barely face the person while in the same room as them.

The worst thing about fights between parents and their siblings is that they allow them to trickle down to the next generation as a means of “shielding them”. What are you shielding them from other than the chance to get to know and interact with their own blood?

20 years might be too late to try forming strong relationships with someone you had the chance to get to know from the day of their birth.

I fought with my brother yes, we still do fight at times and we still have future fights to go, but that doesn’t mean we let it get in the way of our relationship.

I cannot expect myself to be closer friends to people I meet out here in the world than I am to my own siblings.

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Me and my baby ❤

Jealousy could be the issue.

You see them making a name for themselves and building themselves up, it eats you from the inside out, you do not like it. You had the same opportunities, you probably even got more from the parents that you share but you let jealousy consume you and you begin pulling away.

You then begin turning people away from them by spreading false rumours, they hear these rumours and laugh in disbelief but continue loving you..however they learn to love you from a distance.

You can’t stand to see your brother happy while you’re hating, you gang everyone against him and it makes you satisfied to see him all on his own.

Money , what is it other than paper that is meant to help in conducting business. Why do we use it as a measure of our wealth?

Or maybe we’re jealous of the people who steal our sibling’s hearts and turn their attention away from us. Well how else would you expect your family to expand?

You honestly do not have to agree with their partner of choice. It’s okay its just none of your business honestly. Now I’m not saying sit and watch as they are being led astray, by all means step in and advise them if you see them changing for the worse.

However, do not interfere where you shouldn’t. Welcome him/her to the family especially if they end up getting married and treat them with the same respect you’d want to be treated with by another family.

 

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Last words are so important.

If say, (God forbid) your sibling was to be called back by God today, can you remember the last words you said to them?

How do those words make you feel? Good or bad? Are you proud of your last encounter with them or would you wish to God you had another chance and you swear you’d do better?

Well instead of waiting to wish for better days, try make amends now, call them or text. It doesn’t matter if they don’t respond at least you’re at peace.

Lets not allow our siblings to suffer in silence when we are there to help them. <3.

Spread love. 🙂

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This is a picture that will welcome you to my late grandparents house 🙂

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Feel free to add your thoughts. 🙂

 

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ACTIVE LIFESTYLE

LESSONS I’VE LEARNT.

Hello journey buddies,

so a few of you asked me to give tips on how to lose excess weight. I really had to psyche myself to write this because everyone is different, what worked for me may not work for you. I therefore decided to make this on lessons I’ve learnt along the way.

However, I’d like to remind you all that I am no professional, I am still on my journey and everything I write down is based on personal experience. 🙂 .

Anyway, here goes…

TO CHANGE YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT 

This simply means for you to be able to change yourself, you first need to accept where and who you are. Love your body immensely mainly because it is the only one you’ll get. (unless you have money for surgery :D)

I personally found it hard to accept myself at first. This was because how I imagined my appearance to be, was not what it was in reality. It took time, a lot of time, but I eventually learned to accept myself.

START SMALL

I know of a few people who are terrified of going to the gym because they feel intimidated. In all honesty, you don’t need to start your weight loss journey in the gym. I actually believe it would be better to start a simple daily exercise routine on your own before you hit the gym. Hopefully this may help build your confidence in working out. YouTube has a lot of free workout videos. 10 -20 minutes of simple exercises daily can be a good start. With time, you can adjust the routine and make it more tough. You can start by searching for Just Gym It, a channel hosted by two Kenyans if you need any more motivation to start. (For real though, go watch their videos!!!!)

BE READY TO CHANGE YOUR DIET.

The hardest part about weight loss is nutrition. You may push yourself through several reps and sets of exercises at the gym then completely undo all the work you’ve put in with the wrong nutrition.

It’s good to know that in order to lose weight a calorie deficit is required. (Calories consumed< Calories expended). However, watching what you eat does not mean you put yourself on a really restrictive diet. You can still have sweet treats as long as you eat  them in moderation.

Remember its your own journey, take time to experiment with different foods and observe the effect they have on you and how they make you feel. I would advise one to keep a journal of foods eaten during the journey just so you have records of what works best for your body.

Also, drink lots of water!!

GET YOUR SUPPORT TEAM.

‘Surround yourself with people who provide you with love and support and remember to give back as much as you can in return’- Karen Kain

I highly doubt I’d have made it this far without my family and friends. They have been my constant support throughout my journey. They kept me going when I felt like giving up and for that I am forever grateful to them. ❤ (I’ll post a few pictures of them because they are part of this journey :))

Choose your support wisely. Not everyone needs to know what you’re doing. A few friends and family is enough; just ensure that they have your best interest at heart and are genuine.

Special shout out to my parents who are always there for me! I feel that unconditional love.

SET YOUR PERSONAL GOALS.

This probably should have been my first point. You need to set goals for yourself and make them both reasonable and fun.

Personally what I do is: I set the main goal, break that down into monthly goals and further into weekly goals. This does help keep me motivated. I also take progress pictures which help my stay disciplined.

I absolutely LOVE treating myself when I achieve my goals, (and even if I don’t..because life is too short not to treat yourself) 

Contrary to what you may believe, your treats do not have to be in form of food, I used to do that last year but ended up overindulging. Instead I treat myself to red lipstick, gym wear (I usually save up for this though) and other inedible items, because they last longer.

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Red lipstick just makes you look like you’ve dressed up ! I LOVE IT and the dog filter will forever be the best !

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I bought this Nike Sports bra when it was on sale but I still had to spend quite a bit on it. No regrets though !!

GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK

Yes you feel like you need to workout every single day to achieve your goal body. God rested after creating the earth, who are you not to deserve a break?

I cannot emphasise this point enough. You need to rest from working out, the worst thing you can do to yourself is push way past your limit, get a burn out and completely lose motivation. Choose a day, any day you’d like, I love Sunday being my rest day because I get to plan for the following week as well as dress up and look cute.

Personally, and most of my friends probably dislike me for this , is that even on days that aren’t my rest day, I will take as many naps as possible if I’m not busy. I take any opportunity I get to reenergize myself, plus sleep is also my welcome respite from this cruel world.

 

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My Brothers ! P.S/ how bomb is the dress I wore to my brother’s graduation?

 

Feel free to let me know if this helps in any way, or even just contact me if you just want to talk 🙂

 

 

 

 

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